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#NoSleepTonight: 23 Things Only People With Insomnia Will Understand

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Not being able to fall asleep at night when you know you have to be up at the crack of dawn is one of the worst feelings in the world (no, that is not an exaggeration). It’s frustrating, since it’s basically out of your control because you know that if you could be sleeping, you would be.

Life would be a whole lot simpler if our brains came equipped with an on/off switch, wouldn’t it? For some reason, when the clock strikes 12, every decision you have ever made in your life pops into your head.

Instead of sleeping, you filter through these thoughts and memories, and before you know it, it’s 4 am and you’ve accepted another sleepless night.

Well, that’s not the worst of it. Here are more of the struggles insomniacs face on the reg:

1. Never being able to fall asleep when you want to

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If I fall asleep by 10:30, I can get a full nine hours of sleep! Chances of that actually happening? Slim to none.


2. If you are lucky enough to actually fall asleep, you can’t stay asleep

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You may get a good three-hour stretch once you actually fall asleep, but the next thing you know, it’s 4 am and you’re wide awake, ready for another lethargic day at the office.


3. Feeling tired no matter how long you actually slept

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Do people ask you if you have chronic fatigue? Can you even remember the last time you got an actual good night’s sleep?


4. Waking up before the alarm clock and never falling back asleep

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You think you finally succeeded in getting a full night’s sleep because you have woken up feeling somewhat refreshed. Well, that’s before you check the time on your phone, which regretfully tells you it’s 6:08 am. Back to bed? Yeah, good luck with that.


5.  You are all too familiar with Unisom, Advil PM and Ambien

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You have tried every pill out there. Advil PM gives you bad dreams, Ambien makes you hallucinate and Unisom only works if you get nine or more hours of sleep.

If you plan on taking any kind of sleeping aide, you better make sure you have ample time to rest, or you risk spending the next day in a groggy fog.


6. WTF is a nap?

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No! You can’t take a nap because you will never be able to fall asleep come the evening. If you even sleep for 15 minutes during the day, you risk ruining your future sleep. I mean, this is just science!


7. Someone in your life has told you to stop hanging out in your bed

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After a long day at the office, the only thing you want to do is crawl back into your sacred resting place. But, as everyone will tell you, the more time you spend in your bed (when not trying to sleep), the more you trick your body into staying awake.


8. Your bedroom must be completely pitch black at night

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The only way you can even attempt to sleep is in total darkness.


9. Despite being told not to watch TV before bed, that’s a sacrifice you’re just not willing to make

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I would read a book if I weren’t too tired from reading Excel spreadsheets all day. The only thing I want to do before bed is spoon Netflix and watch marathons of a television show I’ve already seen three times.


10. You are either irritable in the morning or tired; there is no in between

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You’re never in a good mood in the morning, and honestly, why would you be? You had a sh*tty night’s sleep and the last thing you want to be doing is heading into an office. No one has ever had a productive day that began with waking up on the wrong side of the bed.


11. Anything and everything will wake you up

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Your radiator starts acting up? Bam, you’re awake. A car alarm goes off 20 blocks from your apartment? Doesn’t matter, you’re awake. Knock your laptop off your bed? You’re most definitely awake.


12. You spend ample amounts of time, lying in silence and staring at the ceiling

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You try to resist the urge to watch television before bed, but this plan doesn’t really seem to be working, either. You lie and lie while drowning yourself in your own thoughts, wishing there were someway you could actually fall asleep.


13. You can’t drink coffee after 12 pm

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I know I am. Actually, you probably should just give up on caffeine altogether. There’s no way these stimulants can be good for someone with sleeping issues.


14. You try to sedate yourself with whatever means necessary

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Whether it’s weed or wine, you have no shame trying any method to put you to sleep. In college, you probably didn’t notice how bad your insomnia was, since you were likely going out most nights, getting drunk and thus, sleeping through the night.

Now, the struggle is real and you feel every ounce of pain.


15. You want to scream at people who simply tell you to reduce your stress

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“Oh, well thank you for your wise words. I couldn’t have come up on that one on my own. Please tell me how easy that is for you to do that. No, go on, I’m listening…”


16. You have trouble finding the perfect sleeping position

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Nothing is comfortable because nothing is putting you to sleep. You try to arrange yourself perfectly with your pillows, but alas, that has also failed you. Try sleeping on your stomach and see how that works out.


17. Thinking you’ll actually get up extra early for the gym

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HA! Yeah right. I don’t even know why you would think this was a possibility for you. Chances are you tossed and turned all night and as soon as your alarm went off around 5:30 am, you knew there was only one option: the snooze button.


18. Calculating the hours of sleep you’ll get if you fall asleep RIGHT NOW

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You know this never works well, but for some reason, we do it anyway.


19. You’ve basically convinced yourself that you don’t even need sleep

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Maybe I wasn’t made to sleep. I mean, that’s basically what my body has been telling me. Maybe I should accept the fact that I will never endure a full night’s sleep and just pursue the life of a vampire.


20. “I’ll wake up in 10 more minutes…”

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No you won’t. You’ll wake up in 20 and you’ll be late for work. Five minutes is the max you can allow yourself before you completely disappear into the blanket abyss.


21. When your friends can’t get in touch with you before 1 pm, they assume you’re dead

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Your friends all know you as the girl they can call at 9 am to vent about their antics from the previous night. You’re always the first awake so this should come as no surprise.

But there will be that one day you actually are able to sleep past 10 am, sending your friends into a panic.


22. Am I hungry or just tired?

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Who cares, Seamless is available 24/7. Just say yes to your cravings.


23. Finally thinking you could fall asleep but you have to pee

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This is the absolutely, positively, the worst feeling ever.

Top Photo Credit: Shutterstock

#NoSleepTonight: 23 Things Only People With Insomnia Will Understand

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Kanye West Probably Went On A Rant At His Own Wedding That Sounded Like This (Video)

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It’s no secret that Kanye West loves hearing his own voice. In fact, I’m not sure there’s anything about Kanye West that Kanye West doesn’t love. That’s just the kind of guy he is.

According to various media reports, Kanye West also loves Kim Kardashian, which I assume is why the duo decided to get married in Italy a few weeks ago.

While there are no shortage of photos from the festivities (including  my personal favorite: Jaden Smith dressed as albino Batman), the only people who actually saw the ceremony were the ones who were rich enough to get invited.

Parody Pie tried to envision what the duo’s wedding vows might have sounded like, and while I can’t verify the authenticity of the words exchanged, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Kanye delivered a seemingly endless diatribe before finally saying “I Do.” I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way.

Also, if the guy in this video ends up playing Kanye in another parody, he should probably try to figure out how to incorporate the word “fam” a few more times. This video was kind of lacking in that respect.

Kanye West Probably Went On A Rant At His Own Wedding That Sounded Like This (Video)

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Mike Tyson Didn’t Understand The Ending Of The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Finale

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People have accused Mike Tyson of a lot of things, but being bright is not one of those things. Tyson went on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and proved exactly why he should stick to beating people to a bloody pulp and stop trying to be a public figure or an actor or whatever it is he’s trying to do.

Kimmel asked Tyson about the “Game of Thrones” finale, and Tyson didn’t seem to understand it at all. He said that he didn’t feel as if anything had happened in the end of the episode, which, of course, is completely untrue. It was the most jam-packed final 15 minutes of a TV show I have ever seen.

What’s more, Tyson didn’t realize that there were going to be any more episodes of “GoT.” I guess that explains why he was so disappointed by the ending, but, come on, have some f*cking awareness.

But, I guess I can’t be too hard on the guy. I mean; he made a living getting punched in the head repeatedly. I just wish he would stick to doing that.

Mike Tyson Didn’t Understand The Ending Of The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Finale

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New York Legislators And Gov. Cuomo Come To Terms To Legalize Medical Marijuana

Annual Columbus Day Parade Marches Down New york's Fifth Avenue

New York legislators have reached an agreement on an experimental program providing medical marijuana to patients with an array of serious illnesses.

According to The New York Times, the deal comes after days of arguing between lawmakers and Governor Andrew Cuomo, who originally wanted a much more limited program that only allowed the most desperate patients on the verge of death to be permitted marijuana.

That proposal was deemed too unfair because it would deny weed to thousands of people with torturously painful ailments, but Cuomo wouldn’t settle unless legislators complied with his demand to prohibit the activity of actually smoking weed.

Patients will only be able eat, drink or inhale cannabis through a vaporizer. Cuomo can also suspend the program at any time.

He said in a conference,

Medical marijuana has the potential to do a lot of good for a lot of people. Some of these cases are some of the most heart-wrenching you’ve ever heard, dealing with children.

Should the pending legislation pass, New York will become the 23 state to legalize medical weed and the second largest to do so, behind California.

The program allows doctors to prescribe weed for epilepsy, multiple scleroses, Lou Gehrig’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, cancer, HIV/AIDS, and various other similarly debilitating conditions, hopefully including post-traumatic stress disorder.

That list will grow as scientific trials continue to prove that more and more diseases are significantly alleviated by weed.

The bill was created largely by Senator Diane Savino, a Staten Island Democrat, and Manhattan Democrat Richard Gottfried, who has campaigned for medical legalization for nearly 20 years.

The State Health Department will have 18 months to create more expansive regulations regarding where medical marijuana can be purchased in addition to age and quantity restrictions.

That second program will last for seven years, and will most likely be reauthorized after New York starts raking in tax revenue that dwarfs Colorado’s marijuana profits.

The start date of the pilot program has yet to be revealed, but the weed will be available at a select few state hospitals.

via New York Times, Photo Credit: Getty Images 

New York Legislators And Gov. Cuomo Come To Terms To Legalize Medical Marijuana

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Robin Van Persie’s 93-Year-Old Grandfather Imitated His Epic Header Goal (Photo)

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When Robin van Persie scored a diving header in the Netherlands’ first match of the World Cup, he set off a social media sensation.

The strike that marked the beginning of the end for Spain also marked the first time that World Cup fans truly got a chance to put their Photoshop skills to use, with tweeters reimagining van Persie as everything from Flappy Bird to a WWE wrestler.

@KICKTV flying dutchman pic.twitter.com/kxhuaqSXg6

— christian (@christivn_) June 13, 2014

The Dutch striker also inspired the art of #VanPersieing, which imitates the infamous goal. Everyone seems to be getting into it, even van Persie’s own family. Dutch news organization Omroep Brabant tweeted out a picture of Wim Ram, RVP’s 93-year-old grandfather, getting into the act.

Van Persie’s 93-year old grandad goes #Persieing!http://t.co/8MyZUlOkId pic.twitter.com/dqOiF7ikCM

— Omroep Brabant (@omroepbrabant) June 18, 2014

Ras even talked to Omroep Braban about the goal:

I thought it was a great landing. A belly landing, is not always fun, huh? I used to do gymnastics and I know what it is like, but in gymnastic those moves are planned and intended.

Ras, of course, said he was happy to see his grandson score, and was likely to be celebrating yesterday when van Persie scored again to help the Dutch to another win.

H/T: Yahoo Sports, Photos Courtesy: Twitter

Robin Van Persie’s 93-Year-Old Grandfather Imitated His Epic Header Goal (Photo)

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Ben & Jerry’s Will Create ‘Saturday Night Live’-Inspired Ice Cream Flavors (Photos)

As if the ice cream wasn’t already delicious enough, Ben & Jerry’s is adding two more equally delicious flavors to the lineup. The best part? They’re both inspired by “Saturday Night Live”!

In honor of the show’s 40th anniversary, the ice cream company will make a flavor called Lazy Sunday, and a flavor called Gilly’s Catastrophic Crunch. Whenever you decide to give Cherry Garcia a break, feel free to venture off to these two new flavors.

According to Huffington Post, Lazy Sunday, which is inspired by the “SNL” skit featuring Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell, consists of vanilla cake batter ice cream, chocolate and yellow cupcake pieces, and chocolate frosting swirls.

In case you’re wondering where that inspiration came from, throughout the skit, Sandberg and Parnell express their deep love for Magnolia cupcakes. Yum!

As for the second flavor, Gilly’s Catastrophic Crunch, you’ll be indulging in chocolate ice cream, sweet cream ice cream, caramel clusters, chocolate fudge, crunchy almonds and marshmallow swirls. If you’re not sold on either of these flavors, something’s clearly wrong with your tastebuds!

Looking to get your hands on a cup of these new flavors? As of June 19, they’ll be available at Ben & Jerry’s ice cream shops throughout the country, as well as Canada.

Lazy Sunday (left) and Gilly’s Catastrophic Crunch (right).

H/T: Huffington Post, Photos Courtesy: Alison Spiegel, Top Photo Courtesy: Ben & Jerry’s

Ben & Jerry’s Will Create ‘Saturday Night Live’-Inspired Ice Cream Flavors (Photos)

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The Amount Of Money Americans Are Spending Every Second Is Scary And This Proves It

Spend, spend, spend — that’s all we do. The real question is: How much are we really spending?! I mean, think about all of the constant splurging going on at any point in time during the year.

Think about the constant need to have the latest gear and devices. Or those expensive dinners and drunk cab rides back to your apartment — all of that stuff adds up.

Even the donut and coffee you grab religiously every morning costs you. Luckily, there’s a website called Retale that’ll give us a detailed rundown of exactly what Americans are spending money on every second. Forget about quarterly reports!

Check out the infographic below for a closer look at America’s spending problem.

H/T: Time, Top Photo Courtesy: Gallery Hip

The Amount Of Money Americans Are Spending Every Second Is Scary And This Proves It

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Of Course, Japan Has Found A Way To Make An Olympic Games Based On Sex Lube (Video)

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Mud wrestling is just about how far we’ll go in terms of slippery sport variations in this country.

In Japan, however, lots of people are much more curious as to how the experience of physical activity changes when the players and equipment are completely doused in lube.

The Sex Lube Grand Athlete Meet took place in Tokyo last weekend, and it featured a series of competitive events made all the more fun because the participants were so slippery they could barely stand.

According to the Huffington Post, more than 100 people covered themselves in lube to engage in lubed-up wrestling, relay races, tug of war and even curling.

The event was held at a warehouse designed for wrestling events. It cost the equivalent of about $100 to compete while audience members paid $30 to watch competitors slide and fall all over each other.

Nudity was prohibited, but there didn’t seem to be any restrictions in terms of what participants could wear, as some wore ass-less chaps and just boxer briefs.

As you can see in these clips, the skill level in each event is pretty high so we advise you to start training for the next Lube Olympics on July 5 and 6 at Langunasia resort park.

H/T: Huffington Post

Of Course, Japan Has Found A Way To Make An Olympic Games Based On Sex Lube (Video)

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The CIA Once Made An Bin Laden Action Figure That Became A Demon To Keep Kids From Following Him

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When the face of the worst threat to American prosperity was first shown to the public shortly after 9/11, it’s safe to say that Osama bin Laden didn’t really look the part.

Americans associated his beard and clothing with the homeless. For the average Middle Easterner, he just looked like any other guy.

Unconventional methods of propaganda were required to convince the world, mainly children, that this sandal-wearing pile of dirt was truly the devil in disguise.

According to The Washington Post, the CIA chose to accomplish this by crafting an Osama bin Laden action figure in 2005 with a face that easily peeled off to reveal green-eyes, red skin and a pattern of black stripes strikingly similar to Darth Maul of “Star Wars.”

The point was to scare children into believing that bin Laden was indeed a demon who needed to be destroyed in the hopes that, when the kids were scared, the parents would lend their undying support to the war on terror.

The project was code-named Devil Eyes, and the toys were produced by Donald Levine, a former executive at Hasbro who created the G.I. Joe action figures.

Levine had done business in China for nearly 60 years, where the bin Laden toys were secretly developed and distributed.

How many of the figures were made as well as when exactly the project was cut remain unknown, but one source familiar with the manufacturing in China said hundreds of the figures were sent to the Pakistani city of Karachi in 2006.

CIA spokesman Ryan Trapani told the Post, however, that the project was canceled after just a few prototypes were made.

To our knowledge, there were only three individual action figures ever created, and these were merely to show what a final product might look like. After being presented with these examples, the CIA declined to pursue this idea and did not produce or distribute any of these action figures. Furthermore, CIA has no knowledge of these action figures being produced or distributed by others.

Levine passed away from cancer last May but his family confirmed his involvement in the Devil Eyes project with a short statement, saying:

Don Levine was a dedicated Patriot, and proud Korean War veteran. When called on, he was honored to assist our country.

The famed toy maker was said to have approved of the prototypes, one of which is stored at the CIA headquarters today.

CIA considered plan to demonize bin Laden by giving kids these dolls that hid demon face http://t.co/XA3OWBnmcS pic.twitter.com/TfWEmYvU11

— Washington Post (@washingtonpost) June 19, 2014

via Washington Post, Photo Courtesy: Twitter

The CIA Once Made An Bin Laden Action Figure That Became A Demon To Keep Kids From Following Him

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Guy Proves You Don’t Need To Say A Word To Pick Up Girls In A Lamborghini (Video)

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It’s really easy to watch this video and judge anyone who gets in the car for being shallow, but I’m pretty sure if a random guy pulled up next to me in a Lambo and motioned for me to get in I’d hop in without giving it a second thought.

I know that when you’re a kid you’re taught never to get into a car with strangers, but normally that car is a windowless van or a rusty Oldsmobile driven by a really creepy looking dude.

Once luxury cars come into play, all bets are off. You might end up murdered but at least you got to ride in a Lamborghini.

Also, I have to give credit where credit is due to the girl who took a selfie before hopping inside. That’s a brilliant strategy — you get to brag to all of your friends, and on the off chance the driver happens to be a homicidal maniac, at least the police will know what he looks like.

Guy Proves You Don’t Need To Say A Word To Pick Up Girls In A Lamborghini (Video)

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15 Things Only People From Jersey Will Understand

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You can take the boy out of the Rock, but you can’t make him forget about Nazi Occupation of Jersey.

Wait, no…

You can’t take the Rock out of the boy.

I …

*cough*

Jersey, the biggest and therefore objectively best of the Channel Islands, was invented back in 1924 as a place for the King to put all the stuff he didn’t want to pay tax on. (Not really) Situated near France, in the British Channel, you will mostly know it as that place you’ve heard of, maybe your dad went there once on business because of his awful finance job and you sort of planned to go there for a weekend or something, but to be honest it’s just EASIER to pop on the train to Brighton, they’ve got seagulls there too, right, what’s the difference?

There’s all the difference, you wretched specimen.

See, while the rest of the world rightly respects and fears Jersey for its majestic cattle, its beautiful bovines, and it’s magnificent livestock (mostly cows, some dogs), there’s a lot that people cannot comprehend about the 9 x 5 mile mass of farmland and banks.

These are the terrible sorrows and the incompressible triumphs that only make sense to you if you were raised in Jersey. Also, a few things that even people who’ve lived there all their lives think are ‘a bit weird’.

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14 Problems Only People From Milton Keynes Will Understand

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Google Images

If you didn’t know already, Milton Keynes is a large town in Buckinghamshire (note town, not city – efforts have been made to change its status, but it’s still deemed a town). It’s a pretty young place – not due to the youths who roam there, but because the town itself was formally designated in 1967, and built a few miles away from the original ye olde village of Milton Keynes, which no one seems to pay any mind to. It’s likely that Milton Keynes is actually younger than your grandparents.

But you’ve got a few problems with living here. The fact that MK is bigger than Luton, Ipswich, Corby and Norwich and STILL doesn’t feature on the local weather map is a fact that has never failed to drive you mad. And even though you’ve lived here your whole life, you just can’t quite come to terms with the fact that The Point is soon to be demolished. You also can’t bring yourself to admit that you’ve always followed the MK Dons, even though everyone you’ve ever met seems to hate them.

Are you a true Milton Keyneian? Find out, by seeing if you recognise the following ten things from your home town.

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17 Things Only People Who Kind Of Suck At Adulthood Understand

Friends 1. You paid your taxes. But only after a low-key breakdown. “Assets?!? Do I have assets!?! I mean, if you count my BUBBLY PERSONALITY AND COLLECTION OF SHARK MEMORABILIA???” 2. You’re constantly fluctuating between eating super healthy and then acting like you’re still in college. Fresh ingredients this week! A spinach smoothie! Coconut water! Followed by a week of microwavable mystery food and CUPS OF NOODLES ON CUPS OF NOOOODLES. 3. You still want to engage in the Penis game. 4. You giggled to yourself because “Penis game” sounds like I was referring to sex and hehe. Penis. Hehe. Sex. 5. You are proactive with doctor appointments. You know you’ve only got one body and it’s important to make sure it’s in working condition. But you still have this weird insecurity when ACTUALLY talking to them. “Any new sexual partners this year?” *nervous giggle* “I mean, yes. But we are in a very committed relationship. Like, yeah. Almost engaged really. Seriously. Just him. But…yeah, throw in an STD test while we’re at it just for funsies.” 6. You’ve referred to others as “adults” as if you aren’t also one. 7. Checking your voicemail causes a strange panic inside you. CAN’T YOU JUST TEXT ME? 8. Sometimes you wish you could still sit at the kid’s table. 9. You are dependable and will show up at work ready to give 100%…But that doesn’t always mean you know what you’re doing. 10. The phrase “when I grow I want to be a ___” freaks you out because you did grow up…and now? 11. You’re still really into making forts out of pillows and blankets. NOBODY can match your skill level. You’ll be making damn castles, just watch. 12. You never stopped having sleepovers. 13. You Google “what does ___ mean?” at least once a week. 14. You have this strange jealousy wash over you when walking past the toy section in Target. 15. You’ve realized it’s been all day and you straight up forgot to eat food. Like, the most basic self-survival thing. And you just…forgot to feed yourself. 16. Your skin still breaks out and you’re like, “Um, so this is the fun part of adolescence I get to have forever?” 17. You’re ashamed to admit it, but a lot of the time you just really need someone to rub your back and say, “You’re gonna be okay, kid.” For more from Ari, be sure to follow her on Facebook:
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25 Things Only People From Rockland County Understand

25 Things Only People From Rockland County Understand
1. Jesus H. Christ, we are not “upstate” New York. The Hudson Valley is one of the south-most parts of the state. Just because you live in New York City and you have to go north to get here doesn’t mean we are “upstate” by any means. Syracuse, Binghamton, Rochester and Buffalo are upstate. 2. When people from out of town ask where you’re from, you usually just say, “Rockland,” because you assume nobody has heard of where you’re actually from. Other answers may include, but are not limited to: “Oh, like an hour outside of New York City,” “Have you heard of (insert high school here)? Near there,” or “You know Westchester? Near there.” 3. Everyone knows everything about everyone, and you’re always cautiously aware of that like a paranoid crackhead. Any time you see a sports movie about a small town (Friday Night Lights, Varsity Blues, etc.) you realize just how much Rockland has in common with them. 4. Even though it is technically not a mall, and it is newer than the Palisades, you still refer to The Shops at Nanuet as “the old mall.” You also never think to go there for anything. 5. On the same note, you still refer to the Palisades Mall — which was built in 1997 — as “the new mall.” Would you call The Backstreet Boys a “new” band? 6. Parking at the Palisades Mall during a holiday should be declared an official sport. The patience and skill level required? Absolutely. 7. You think of White Plains as “the other” New York City. If you don’t want to deal with the traffic, tolls, or outrageous prices, White Plains is the next-best (and often most decided upon) option. 8. Meanwhile, some Westchester people think you live sooo far away. I went to college in Westchester and some people thought that my commute from Rockland was like a cross-country tour. 9. You’ve had, or have been to, a birthday party at Hi-Tor Lanes, and it was the time of your life. #FactsOnly. 10. You miss the Discovery Zone. You don’t where it went, or why, but you still feel like there’s a piece of your childhood missing that you will never get back. 11. And Annie’s… Like, seriously, why did they get rid of that place? 12. When you went to Hoyer’s, it was either eat on the rocks, or GTFO. Eating at the tables or while standing up was unacceptable. If the rocks were taken, the judges will allow you eating on your car. 13. You went through a “Nyack” phase. For some period of time — weeks, months, maybe a couple of years — you were all about that life of loud music, drunken bar fights and 3 a.m. Tarantella’s pizza. 14. During the day, Nyack is one of the most beautiful towns around; then at night, it becomes Gotham City. I mean, we have cops on horseback to keep the streets safe. 15. You just naturally assume everyone from Pearl River is Irish. It doesn’t matter if the last name is Hernandez; you still think that there has to be some Irish blood pumping through those veins somewhere. 16. You just naturally assume every girl from Clarkstown is jappy. And if they’re not Jewish, you assume they’re spoiled. It doesn’t matter that you probably know nothing about them, that’s just your assumption. 17. You have considered Haverstraw to be “the hood” of Rockland. Hand to God, when someone found out I went to Haverstraw Middle School, the response was, “And you survived?” Yes, my 4-foot-9 scrawny self managed to make it out alive. 18. Once you hit the age of 18, you always knew someone who was pregnant or just had a baby. And when you found out who the father was you said, “They had a kid?!” 19. If you went to Thiells Elementary School, you still remember the first and last lines of the school song, if not most of the entire song. And you scream, “Thiells Elementary — THAT’S. MY. SCHOOL!” like you’re on something. 20. Whenever you hear someone in the county around your age range has died, there is a 75 percent chance you knew them in some capacity. All jokes aside, this is a pretty crappy truth about Rockland. 21. The Mt. Ivy Diner is like ‘Holy Moly’s Donut Shop’ in that you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever eat there. Terrible service and terrible food. They’re not even open 24 hours anymore, so it’s not even like they are a last-minute resort at 3 a.m. 22. All the potholes make every town seem like a different Mario Kart course. All we’re missing is red, green and purple shells. 23. Pedestrians in Monsey literally give zero f-cks when walking around town. It’s almost like they want to get hit by cars. 24. You’ve uttered the words, “God, I can’t wait to get the f-ck out of Rockland County,” an estimated 300 times or so. Yet, like the mafia, it keeps pulling you back in. 25. You feel like most of the county is still about 10-20 years behind in views on race, religion and gender. You know the paralyzing discomfort level of having be around while someone is ranting out of their ass about gay marriage or blaming Obama for literally everything. thumbnail image – Anthony Quintano
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17 Simple Pleasures Only People Who Live In L.A. Understand

Ooh L.A. L.A.

Tuning into KCRW every morning on your commute and discovering your new favorite band.

Truly #blessed for Morning Becomes Eclectic, but also Which Way, L.A. for interesting local news, and Press Play for enlightening cultural discussions.

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Speaking of music, there's nothing better than popping into Amoeba for a free show, or finding something cool and cheap on vinyl.

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Getting an ice cold coffee most days of the year to start your morning — and how refreshing it feels in hot weather.

There's a perfect brew at Go Get Em Tiger on Larchmont.

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And, of course, delighting in trying out a new high-quality cup of joe, because L.A. is now huge on coffee culture.

Have you tried Commissary? There are a handful of locations around the city.

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14 Things Only People Who Are Allergic To Basically Everything Understand

Eternalfeelings 1. Okay, you’re not actually allergic to everything, but it sure feels like it all the time. 2. You hate being the spoilsport with your friends, because you can’t do something thanks to those awesome allergies, so you usually try to suck it up. Oh, I’m allergic to gluten, but yeah, let’s definitely go out to that new pizza restaurant! That would be fun! Fast forward to you nibbling on a disappointing salad while everyone else eats that glorious looking pie. 3. You always have to be that annoying customer asking the waiter if the pasta was made anywhere near mushrooms, on dishes that previously cooked mushrooms, or basically if there’s even the slighted chance that a hint of mushroom could enter your system, because you know, throat closing up and death. 4. And even then, you spend the entire meal feeling paranoid that the waiter was mistaken and this meal is actually going to be your last meal, and it’s not even that good, and is it even worth it to eat this? 5. Being allergic to cats and dogs = actual torture. They’re so cute! And cuddly! They just want to love you and you just want to love them! But are the resulting hives worth it??? 6. A lot of times we decide the risk is worth it. We figure, if we’re just careful with how we pet them and then wash our hands immediately afterward, we’ll be fine, right? Right?? 7. No, not right. Brb. Hives everywhere. 8. You’re a pro at reading food labels. NICE TRY, SNEAKY NAMES FOR CORN, NOTHING’S GETTING BY YOU. 9. You feel really bad when a friend has a dinner party and completely forgets that you told them you’re lactose intolerant, and you can’t try what looks to be an absolutely delicious homemade cheesecake. But you just can’t, or else you’ll feel like your body is slowly eating you alive from the inside. 10. While everyone else is rejoicing that spring has arrived, you’re falling into a deep sadness because seasonal allergies are about to take over your life. 11. You want to laugh whenever someone grabs a single tissue in the middle of spring and complains that “they think they might have allergies” while casually wiping at their not-bright-red nose. DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW LUCKY YOU ARE. 12. People are always wondering why you’re so sad. You’ll be walking through the park having a mostly good time, but then you’re allergies start reacting to some mystery pollen in the air, and everyone’s concerned about why you’re crying. No, really, I’m fine, it’s just allergies. 13. There are two types of strangers in this world: those that hear you have an allergy and treat you like a sick puppy that could explode at any minute, and those who don’t want to admit it but are definitely doubting that you’re actually allergic to gluten and aren’t just saying that to justify being that gluten-free person. 14. Telling someone you’re allergic to something always opens the door to hearing all about their friend’s friend’s niece’s peanut allergy. Every time. For more writing like this from Johanna, follow her on Facebook. Read this: 21 Signs You’re A Senior Citizen Stuck In A Youth’s Body Read this: 23 Michael Scott Quotes That Prove He’s Secretly A Lost Twenty-Something
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10 Problems Only People Dating Someone Ultra Beautiful Will Understand

IFC Films
IFC Films

While beauty is a thing in society that’s regularly admired and aspired to, it’s often hard to find yourself dating someone who meets all the definitions of the word (although lets not go into that debate now, or else we’ll be here for days).

While it’s wonderful to fancy the person you love, have your friends tell you you’re “soooo lucky”, and to be able to take some great photographs of them, it can actually be quite demoralising when you’re the average Joe swanning around with this genetically perfect human being.

You’re just a normal person; you look good when you try, but you’re also pretty comfy hanging out without doing your hair for a day, or donning your pyjamas and having a Hobbit film marathon. However; it’s hard to feel like these things are still acceptable when your S.O has the ability to leap out of bed looking like a freshly pressed beauty advert.

So, here are a list of ten things you’ve probably experienced while dating someone who regularly gets mistaken for being a celebrity or a model. You are not alone.

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17 Things Only People Who Despise Shopping Understand

Brittani Lepley 1. Just the idea of shopping fills you with dread, so you’ll put it off for as long as humanly possible. Your pants ripped? You can probably patch that and wait another two months before actually needing to replace them. 2. If you can complete all of your shopping online, you will opt for that eleven times out of ten. 3. Sites that have free return shipping are nothing short of divine miracles. So I can order something, try it on in the comfort of my own home, and then return it if it doesn’t fit, at no extra cost?? IS THIS LOVE THAT I FEEL?? 4. Then, once you actually have to go shopping, you have a huge list of items that need to be replaced, because that’s what happens when you wait until all of your clothes are threadbare and torn. 5. You plan on leaving at the crack of dawn on the day of your dreaded shopping trip, so that you can avoid all of the crowds. 6. But then you drag your feet in the morning, because this is probably one of the worst chores imaginable. 7. As soon as you leave your place and get over the dread, you get a tiny bit excited, because by the end of the day, you’ll have a bunch of new things, and that’s always nice! 8. But then you arrive to the mall, and see the sea of torture that awaits you and all excitement quickly disappears. 9. You hate the person you turn into when you’re shopping. Normally, you’re a very nice, personable human being, but as soon as you enter a shopping center, you see every person as a demon that’s out to get you by bumping into you and hovering right over you while you thumb through a rack and you’re transformed into a bitter troll who’s two Cinnabons away from eating their entire family. 10. You make sure you don’t ever go shopping with someone who actually enjoys it, because you know you’ll be stuck walking into every. single. store. in. existence. And the person you went shopping with at the beginning of the day might have been your best friend, but they definitely aren’t by the end of the day. 11. Ideally, when you go to a store, you would take one long trip through all the necessary racks, gathering all the clothes you want to try on, and then you would try all the clothes on in one trip to the fitting room. 12. Which makes the fitting room rule of “Six items max” your worst nightmare, because it requires that you takes multiple trips back, and will lengthen the duration of your trip exponentially. 13. The thought of taking off your shoes and coming in contact with the fitting room floor to try on pants is disgusting, so you try and maneuver so that you’re always balancing one foot on a shoe while the other is getting into the new pants. You’re like a circus performer who’s doomed to fail. 14. Once you’ve purchased one thing on your list, you have to carry that bag around with you for the rest of the day, because you know that if you take it back to the car, you’ll just get in the car and drive away, the rest of your shopping list be damned. 15. So instead you end up lugging around that stupid bag while trying to sort through other clothing racks, and hate everything about this process a little more. 16. After trying on what seems like an obscene number of clothes, you start to forget which items you liked, and which one’s you were unsure of, and you feel like you’re slowly losing your mind. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, SOMEONE GET YOU OUT OF HERE. 17. And then the unimaginable happens. You’re done. The smoke clears, and you can feel the day’s burden lift from your shoulders. There’s no better feeling in the world than knowing you won’t have to go shopping for another year. For more writing like this from Johanna, follow her on Facebook. Read this: 23 Michael Scott Quotes That Prove He’s Secretly A Lost Twenty-Something Read this: 19 Things Only Women With A Low Maintenance Fashion Sense Understand Read this: 11 Movies That Have Ruined Your Expectations For Love
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18 Problems Only People Who Look Younger Than Their Age Will Understand

20th Century Fox
20th Century Fox

Lucky you: you’re 28 but you look about 16. It’s all very well having people tell you that you’ll have a youthful face until the day you die, but does that really excuse any of the problems you have to deal with on a daily life?

It’s not all bad: you can still use your student card for basically everything even though you’re almost thirty: Topshop, the cinema, some restaurants. It can pay to look younger than what you are, because apparently life is cheaper when people think you’re under 18.

Still, it’s annoying. Sometimes you look in the mirror and curse the person who looks like a teenager looking back. Some days you’re asked your age for various reasons over ten times; and that look of disbelief on people’s faces is getting a bit old. So is having to provide your mantra ‘I know, I look younger than what I am, HA HA HA”

Just remember, young faced old people: you are not alone. There are hundreds of you around the world all experiencing the same damn problems everyday. Here are 18 of them – just in case you’d forgotten.

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Reporter's Notebook: Grace and Hope Found Amid the Destruction of Nepal Quake

Reporter's Notebook: Grace and Hope Found Amid the Destruction of Nepal Quake

KATMANDU, Nepal — There hasn’t been a day in the two years I have lived in Nepal that I haven’t thought about earthquakes. They were, in many ways, my obsession.

Katmandu sits on a major geological fault, and the Big One has been long overdue. My husband always tried to get me to laugh it off. “Earthquakes aren’t like pregnancies,” he said. “They don’t have due dates.” Besides, we had lived through three small quakes. No big deal.

But I prepared. We packed “go bags,” and put them downstairs, upstairs and outside in the garden. A tent, rain gear, blankets and so on. My Nepali friends sometimes made fun of me. My friend Sasha reminded me that some things were beyond our control. If it was my karma, she would say, it was my karma.

On Saturday, about 11:45 a.m., my 10-year-old son Lucas and I were driving down a steep hill on our way to a pizza lunch at the Roadhouse Cafe in Patan, a city known for its rich cultural heritage just across the Bagmati River from Katmandu. At first, I thought that we had blown a tire, or maybe that a motorcycle had hit us from behind. Then I lost control of the car as it was tossed right and left as if by rolling waves.

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