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#NoSleepTonight: 23 Things Only People With Insomnia Will Understand

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Not being able to fall asleep at night when you know you have to be up at the crack of dawn is one of the worst feelings in the world (no, that is not an exaggeration). It’s frustrating, since it’s basically out of your control because you know that if you could be sleeping, you would be.

Life would be a whole lot simpler if our brains came equipped with an on/off switch, wouldn’t it? For some reason, when the clock strikes 12, every decision you have ever made in your life pops into your head.

Instead of sleeping, you filter through these thoughts and memories, and before you know it, it’s 4 am and you’ve accepted another sleepless night.

Well, that’s not the worst of it. Here are more of the struggles insomniacs face on the reg:

1. Never being able to fall asleep when you want to

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If I fall asleep by 10:30, I can get a full nine hours of sleep! Chances of that actually happening? Slim to none.


2. If you are lucky enough to actually fall asleep, you can’t stay asleep

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You may get a good three-hour stretch once you actually fall asleep, but the next thing you know, it’s 4 am and you’re wide awake, ready for another lethargic day at the office.


3. Feeling tired no matter how long you actually slept

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Do people ask you if you have chronic fatigue? Can you even remember the last time you got an actual good night’s sleep?


4. Waking up before the alarm clock and never falling back asleep

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You think you finally succeeded in getting a full night’s sleep because you have woken up feeling somewhat refreshed. Well, that’s before you check the time on your phone, which regretfully tells you it’s 6:08 am. Back to bed? Yeah, good luck with that.


5.  You are all too familiar with Unisom, Advil PM and Ambien

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You have tried every pill out there. Advil PM gives you bad dreams, Ambien makes you hallucinate and Unisom only works if you get nine or more hours of sleep.

If you plan on taking any kind of sleeping aide, you better make sure you have ample time to rest, or you risk spending the next day in a groggy fog.


6. WTF is a nap?

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No! You can’t take a nap because you will never be able to fall asleep come the evening. If you even sleep for 15 minutes during the day, you risk ruining your future sleep. I mean, this is just science!


7. Someone in your life has told you to stop hanging out in your bed

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After a long day at the office, the only thing you want to do is crawl back into your sacred resting place. But, as everyone will tell you, the more time you spend in your bed (when not trying to sleep), the more you trick your body into staying awake.


8. Your bedroom must be completely pitch black at night

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The only way you can even attempt to sleep is in total darkness.


9. Despite being told not to watch TV before bed, that’s a sacrifice you’re just not willing to make

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I would read a book if I weren’t too tired from reading Excel spreadsheets all day. The only thing I want to do before bed is spoon Netflix and watch marathons of a television show I’ve already seen three times.


10. You are either irritable in the morning or tired; there is no in between

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You’re never in a good mood in the morning, and honestly, why would you be? You had a sh*tty night’s sleep and the last thing you want to be doing is heading into an office. No one has ever had a productive day that began with waking up on the wrong side of the bed.


11. Anything and everything will wake you up

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Your radiator starts acting up? Bam, you’re awake. A car alarm goes off 20 blocks from your apartment? Doesn’t matter, you’re awake. Knock your laptop off your bed? You’re most definitely awake.


12. You spend ample amounts of time, lying in silence and staring at the ceiling

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You try to resist the urge to watch television before bed, but this plan doesn’t really seem to be working, either. You lie and lie while drowning yourself in your own thoughts, wishing there were someway you could actually fall asleep.


13. You can’t drink coffee after 12 pm

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I know I am. Actually, you probably should just give up on caffeine altogether. There’s no way these stimulants can be good for someone with sleeping issues.


14. You try to sedate yourself with whatever means necessary

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Whether it’s weed or wine, you have no shame trying any method to put you to sleep. In college, you probably didn’t notice how bad your insomnia was, since you were likely going out most nights, getting drunk and thus, sleeping through the night.

Now, the struggle is real and you feel every ounce of pain.


15. You want to scream at people who simply tell you to reduce your stress

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“Oh, well thank you for your wise words. I couldn’t have come up on that one on my own. Please tell me how easy that is for you to do that. No, go on, I’m listening…”


16. You have trouble finding the perfect sleeping position

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Nothing is comfortable because nothing is putting you to sleep. You try to arrange yourself perfectly with your pillows, but alas, that has also failed you. Try sleeping on your stomach and see how that works out.


17. Thinking you’ll actually get up extra early for the gym

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HA! Yeah right. I don’t even know why you would think this was a possibility for you. Chances are you tossed and turned all night and as soon as your alarm went off around 5:30 am, you knew there was only one option: the snooze button.


18. Calculating the hours of sleep you’ll get if you fall asleep RIGHT NOW

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You know this never works well, but for some reason, we do it anyway.


19. You’ve basically convinced yourself that you don’t even need sleep

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Maybe I wasn’t made to sleep. I mean, that’s basically what my body has been telling me. Maybe I should accept the fact that I will never endure a full night’s sleep and just pursue the life of a vampire.


20. “I’ll wake up in 10 more minutes…”

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No you won’t. You’ll wake up in 20 and you’ll be late for work. Five minutes is the max you can allow yourself before you completely disappear into the blanket abyss.


21. When your friends can’t get in touch with you before 1 pm, they assume you’re dead

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Your friends all know you as the girl they can call at 9 am to vent about their antics from the previous night. You’re always the first awake so this should come as no surprise.

But there will be that one day you actually are able to sleep past 10 am, sending your friends into a panic.


22. Am I hungry or just tired?

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Who cares, Seamless is available 24/7. Just say yes to your cravings.


23. Finally thinking you could fall asleep but you have to pee

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This is the absolutely, positively, the worst feeling ever.

Top Photo Credit: Shutterstock

#NoSleepTonight: 23 Things Only People With Insomnia Will Understand

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Kanye West Probably Went On A Rant At His Own Wedding That Sounded Like This (Video)

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It’s no secret that Kanye West loves hearing his own voice. In fact, I’m not sure there’s anything about Kanye West that Kanye West doesn’t love. That’s just the kind of guy he is.

According to various media reports, Kanye West also loves Kim Kardashian, which I assume is why the duo decided to get married in Italy a few weeks ago.

While there are no shortage of photos from the festivities (including  my personal favorite: Jaden Smith dressed as albino Batman), the only people who actually saw the ceremony were the ones who were rich enough to get invited.

Parody Pie tried to envision what the duo’s wedding vows might have sounded like, and while I can’t verify the authenticity of the words exchanged, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Kanye delivered a seemingly endless diatribe before finally saying “I Do.” I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way.

Also, if the guy in this video ends up playing Kanye in another parody, he should probably try to figure out how to incorporate the word “fam” a few more times. This video was kind of lacking in that respect.

Kanye West Probably Went On A Rant At His Own Wedding That Sounded Like This (Video)

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Mike Tyson Didn’t Understand The Ending Of The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Finale

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People have accused Mike Tyson of a lot of things, but being bright is not one of those things. Tyson went on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and proved exactly why he should stick to beating people to a bloody pulp and stop trying to be a public figure or an actor or whatever it is he’s trying to do.

Kimmel asked Tyson about the “Game of Thrones” finale, and Tyson didn’t seem to understand it at all. He said that he didn’t feel as if anything had happened in the end of the episode, which, of course, is completely untrue. It was the most jam-packed final 15 minutes of a TV show I have ever seen.

What’s more, Tyson didn’t realize that there were going to be any more episodes of “GoT.” I guess that explains why he was so disappointed by the ending, but, come on, have some f*cking awareness.

But, I guess I can’t be too hard on the guy. I mean; he made a living getting punched in the head repeatedly. I just wish he would stick to doing that.

Mike Tyson Didn’t Understand The Ending Of The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Finale

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New York Legislators And Gov. Cuomo Come To Terms To Legalize Medical Marijuana

Annual Columbus Day Parade Marches Down New york's Fifth Avenue

New York legislators have reached an agreement on an experimental program providing medical marijuana to patients with an array of serious illnesses.

According to The New York Times, the deal comes after days of arguing between lawmakers and Governor Andrew Cuomo, who originally wanted a much more limited program that only allowed the most desperate patients on the verge of death to be permitted marijuana.

That proposal was deemed too unfair because it would deny weed to thousands of people with torturously painful ailments, but Cuomo wouldn’t settle unless legislators complied with his demand to prohibit the activity of actually smoking weed.

Patients will only be able eat, drink or inhale cannabis through a vaporizer. Cuomo can also suspend the program at any time.

He said in a conference,

Medical marijuana has the potential to do a lot of good for a lot of people. Some of these cases are some of the most heart-wrenching you’ve ever heard, dealing with children.

Should the pending legislation pass, New York will become the 23 state to legalize medical weed and the second largest to do so, behind California.

The program allows doctors to prescribe weed for epilepsy, multiple scleroses, Lou Gehrig’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, cancer, HIV/AIDS, and various other similarly debilitating conditions, hopefully including post-traumatic stress disorder.

That list will grow as scientific trials continue to prove that more and more diseases are significantly alleviated by weed.

The bill was created largely by Senator Diane Savino, a Staten Island Democrat, and Manhattan Democrat Richard Gottfried, who has campaigned for medical legalization for nearly 20 years.

The State Health Department will have 18 months to create more expansive regulations regarding where medical marijuana can be purchased in addition to age and quantity restrictions.

That second program will last for seven years, and will most likely be reauthorized after New York starts raking in tax revenue that dwarfs Colorado’s marijuana profits.

The start date of the pilot program has yet to be revealed, but the weed will be available at a select few state hospitals.

via New York Times, Photo Credit: Getty Images 

New York Legislators And Gov. Cuomo Come To Terms To Legalize Medical Marijuana

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Robin Van Persie’s 93-Year-Old Grandfather Imitated His Epic Header Goal (Photo)

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When Robin van Persie scored a diving header in the Netherlands’ first match of the World Cup, he set off a social media sensation.

The strike that marked the beginning of the end for Spain also marked the first time that World Cup fans truly got a chance to put their Photoshop skills to use, with tweeters reimagining van Persie as everything from Flappy Bird to a WWE wrestler.

@KICKTV flying dutchman pic.twitter.com/kxhuaqSXg6

— christian (@christivn_) June 13, 2014

The Dutch striker also inspired the art of #VanPersieing, which imitates the infamous goal. Everyone seems to be getting into it, even van Persie’s own family. Dutch news organization Omroep Brabant tweeted out a picture of Wim Ram, RVP’s 93-year-old grandfather, getting into the act.

Van Persie’s 93-year old grandad goes #Persieing!http://t.co/8MyZUlOkId pic.twitter.com/dqOiF7ikCM

— Omroep Brabant (@omroepbrabant) June 18, 2014

Ras even talked to Omroep Braban about the goal:

I thought it was a great landing. A belly landing, is not always fun, huh? I used to do gymnastics and I know what it is like, but in gymnastic those moves are planned and intended.

Ras, of course, said he was happy to see his grandson score, and was likely to be celebrating yesterday when van Persie scored again to help the Dutch to another win.

H/T: Yahoo Sports, Photos Courtesy: Twitter

Robin Van Persie’s 93-Year-Old Grandfather Imitated His Epic Header Goal (Photo)

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Ben & Jerry’s Will Create ‘Saturday Night Live’-Inspired Ice Cream Flavors (Photos)

As if the ice cream wasn’t already delicious enough, Ben & Jerry’s is adding two more equally delicious flavors to the lineup. The best part? They’re both inspired by “Saturday Night Live”!

In honor of the show’s 40th anniversary, the ice cream company will make a flavor called Lazy Sunday, and a flavor called Gilly’s Catastrophic Crunch. Whenever you decide to give Cherry Garcia a break, feel free to venture off to these two new flavors.

According to Huffington Post, Lazy Sunday, which is inspired by the “SNL” skit featuring Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell, consists of vanilla cake batter ice cream, chocolate and yellow cupcake pieces, and chocolate frosting swirls.

In case you’re wondering where that inspiration came from, throughout the skit, Sandberg and Parnell express their deep love for Magnolia cupcakes. Yum!

As for the second flavor, Gilly’s Catastrophic Crunch, you’ll be indulging in chocolate ice cream, sweet cream ice cream, caramel clusters, chocolate fudge, crunchy almonds and marshmallow swirls. If you’re not sold on either of these flavors, something’s clearly wrong with your tastebuds!

Looking to get your hands on a cup of these new flavors? As of June 19, they’ll be available at Ben & Jerry’s ice cream shops throughout the country, as well as Canada.

Lazy Sunday (left) and Gilly’s Catastrophic Crunch (right).

H/T: Huffington Post, Photos Courtesy: Alison Spiegel, Top Photo Courtesy: Ben & Jerry’s

Ben & Jerry’s Will Create ‘Saturday Night Live’-Inspired Ice Cream Flavors (Photos)

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The Amount Of Money Americans Are Spending Every Second Is Scary And This Proves It

Spend, spend, spend — that’s all we do. The real question is: How much are we really spending?! I mean, think about all of the constant splurging going on at any point in time during the year.

Think about the constant need to have the latest gear and devices. Or those expensive dinners and drunk cab rides back to your apartment — all of that stuff adds up.

Even the donut and coffee you grab religiously every morning costs you. Luckily, there’s a website called Retale that’ll give us a detailed rundown of exactly what Americans are spending money on every second. Forget about quarterly reports!

Check out the infographic below for a closer look at America’s spending problem.

H/T: Time, Top Photo Courtesy: Gallery Hip

The Amount Of Money Americans Are Spending Every Second Is Scary And This Proves It

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Of Course, Japan Has Found A Way To Make An Olympic Games Based On Sex Lube (Video)

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Mud wrestling is just about how far we’ll go in terms of slippery sport variations in this country.

In Japan, however, lots of people are much more curious as to how the experience of physical activity changes when the players and equipment are completely doused in lube.

The Sex Lube Grand Athlete Meet took place in Tokyo last weekend, and it featured a series of competitive events made all the more fun because the participants were so slippery they could barely stand.

According to the Huffington Post, more than 100 people covered themselves in lube to engage in lubed-up wrestling, relay races, tug of war and even curling.

The event was held at a warehouse designed for wrestling events. It cost the equivalent of about $100 to compete while audience members paid $30 to watch competitors slide and fall all over each other.

Nudity was prohibited, but there didn’t seem to be any restrictions in terms of what participants could wear, as some wore ass-less chaps and just boxer briefs.

As you can see in these clips, the skill level in each event is pretty high so we advise you to start training for the next Lube Olympics on July 5 and 6 at Langunasia resort park.

H/T: Huffington Post

Of Course, Japan Has Found A Way To Make An Olympic Games Based On Sex Lube (Video)

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The CIA Once Made An Bin Laden Action Figure That Became A Demon To Keep Kids From Following Him

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When the face of the worst threat to American prosperity was first shown to the public shortly after 9/11, it’s safe to say that Osama bin Laden didn’t really look the part.

Americans associated his beard and clothing with the homeless. For the average Middle Easterner, he just looked like any other guy.

Unconventional methods of propaganda were required to convince the world, mainly children, that this sandal-wearing pile of dirt was truly the devil in disguise.

According to The Washington Post, the CIA chose to accomplish this by crafting an Osama bin Laden action figure in 2005 with a face that easily peeled off to reveal green-eyes, red skin and a pattern of black stripes strikingly similar to Darth Maul of “Star Wars.”

The point was to scare children into believing that bin Laden was indeed a demon who needed to be destroyed in the hopes that, when the kids were scared, the parents would lend their undying support to the war on terror.

The project was code-named Devil Eyes, and the toys were produced by Donald Levine, a former executive at Hasbro who created the G.I. Joe action figures.

Levine had done business in China for nearly 60 years, where the bin Laden toys were secretly developed and distributed.

How many of the figures were made as well as when exactly the project was cut remain unknown, but one source familiar with the manufacturing in China said hundreds of the figures were sent to the Pakistani city of Karachi in 2006.

CIA spokesman Ryan Trapani told the Post, however, that the project was canceled after just a few prototypes were made.

To our knowledge, there were only three individual action figures ever created, and these were merely to show what a final product might look like. After being presented with these examples, the CIA declined to pursue this idea and did not produce or distribute any of these action figures. Furthermore, CIA has no knowledge of these action figures being produced or distributed by others.

Levine passed away from cancer last May but his family confirmed his involvement in the Devil Eyes project with a short statement, saying:

Don Levine was a dedicated Patriot, and proud Korean War veteran. When called on, he was honored to assist our country.

The famed toy maker was said to have approved of the prototypes, one of which is stored at the CIA headquarters today.

CIA considered plan to demonize bin Laden by giving kids these dolls that hid demon face http://t.co/XA3OWBnmcS pic.twitter.com/TfWEmYvU11

— Washington Post (@washingtonpost) June 19, 2014

via Washington Post, Photo Courtesy: Twitter

The CIA Once Made An Bin Laden Action Figure That Became A Demon To Keep Kids From Following Him

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Guy Proves You Don’t Need To Say A Word To Pick Up Girls In A Lamborghini (Video)

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It’s really easy to watch this video and judge anyone who gets in the car for being shallow, but I’m pretty sure if a random guy pulled up next to me in a Lambo and motioned for me to get in I’d hop in without giving it a second thought.

I know that when you’re a kid you’re taught never to get into a car with strangers, but normally that car is a windowless van or a rusty Oldsmobile driven by a really creepy looking dude.

Once luxury cars come into play, all bets are off. You might end up murdered but at least you got to ride in a Lamborghini.

Also, I have to give credit where credit is due to the girl who took a selfie before hopping inside. That’s a brilliant strategy — you get to brag to all of your friends, and on the off chance the driver happens to be a homicidal maniac, at least the police will know what he looks like.

Guy Proves You Don’t Need To Say A Word To Pick Up Girls In A Lamborghini (Video)

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23 Things Only People From Cornwall Will Understand

Wikimedia Commons
Wikimedia Commons

Let’s be honest: when you live permanently at the beach, you’re the envy of the world, toiling away at their desks with noses pressed sorrowfully against the window dreaming of something better than the grey of Middlesbrough or Hull. But they don’t know the truth; they don’t know that even Disneyland would lose its magic if you were forced to live there every day.

Equally though, they probably don’t know the half of it. Like all of the areas of Britain that somehow managed to avoid being properly conquered by the Romans, Cornwall has an unrivalled regional identity and its residents a massive sense of pride at having had the good fortune to be born there.

Yes it rains a lot, and yes there are way, way too many Cornish pasty shops and tourists who seem to forget that people live there all year round, but living in Cornwall is like nowhere else on the planet.

And because it’s St Pirans Day and in honour of one of the hottest and wettest places in Britain (seriously, make up your mind!), now is the perfect time to look at some of the problems and joys of living in Cornwall…

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19 Bitter-Sweet Realities Only People Who Live Far Away From Their Families Will Understand

Coming To America 1. That awkward moment when you’re around people who talk about missing their families, but can literally drive a few hours or book a short plane ride to see them. And then say to you, “I don’t know how you do it.” There is no adequate response to this ever. 2. Yes, you can be “close” to your family even if you live thousands of miles away from them. And yes, it is a little condescending to say to our faces, “I am too close to my family to live so far away from them.” Subtle shade is still shade. 3. The feelings of both stress and excitement whenever you are about to go and see your family. Stress because there is usually so much planning involved, not to mention all the anticipation. Excitement because well, duh, you usually haven’t seem them for a long-ass time. 4. Sometimes you have to use your “vacation” time to see your family and well, it doesn’t always feel like a vacation. In fact, sometimes it feels like you still need a vacation after seeing your family. 5. When you get homesick, you really get homesick. You literally can’t do anything but wait until passes. And sometimes calling home just makes it worse. 6. You learn to appreciate kind gestures from people around you that remind you of home – whether it’s somebody inviting you to their family’s Sunday night dinner or friends who always make sure you get a birthday card. 7. There is a special kind of loneliness that will always creep in when you spend particular holidays without your family. You may learn to deal with it but it never goes away. 8. There are friends, and there are friends who feel like family. The latter are fewer but are the reason why you are able to live so far away from yours. 9. That said, you know how to make friends easily and quickly wherever you may find yourself. For you, it is quite literally a tool of survival. 10. But you also know how to be alone and not need people. Not because you don’t want to need people but because you’ve learned how to be comfortable with your own company. 11. You’re very open to change most of the time because chances are, your life has exemplified the adage, “Change is the only constant.” 12. You’re pretty convinced that you can live almost anywhere and be happy. But you’re also pretty convinced that you want to be surrounded by people who come from everywhere to make anywhere “home.” 13. For you, “home” is about people and not places. And even when it is about places, sometimes it’s about future places, not past ones. 14. You live in the space between feeling like you don’t fit it in the places you used to know, even when your family lives there. And knowing that you won’t completely belong to the places you find yourself in right now. 15. You develop a strange relationship with your parents where you know they’re still their child but they sometimes treat you like a sibling or close friend, with how they confide in you. 16. You realize perhaps more easily than you would if you saw them all the time, that your parents are not just your parents. They were people with dreams, and hopes and fears, and baggage. And they are getting older with all those things. As are you. 17. Your relationship with your siblings will change. Sometimes it’ll feel like the version of them you have is one from the past. And you will have to make an effort to get to know who they are in the present. 18. You don’t always understand how much you change until your family points it out. 19. But no matter how things change and how you change and where you live or where they live, you learn that family that has your back will always have your back. And there is no better feeling on earth than knowing you can count on them. For more insightful writing from Kovie Biakolo, follow her Facebook Page: Read this: You’re Not As Alone As You Think You Are Read this: 25 Foreigners On The Cringeworthy Things Americans Do In Their Country Read this: 17 Things That Happen When You’re BFFs With Your Friend’s Parents
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11 Unique Struggles Only People Who Moved A Lot Growing Up Understand

Bill McChesney 1. Being asked where you’re from is like a difficult trivia question. You don’t even know where to begin, or how to go about selecting one of the many options as an answer. When someone asks me the big question, I figure I was born in Tacoma, Washington, but I spent a significantly larger portion of my childhood in San Antonio, Texas. Then I moved to Arizona. Do I just say I’m from my favorite place? Do I say where I spent the most years? Or is it just Tacoma, since technically that’s where I was first introduced to Earth? Suddenly, several seconds have gone by and I’m blankly staring at whoever asked where I’m from, like a buffering computer trying to load an answer. 2. It’s impossible not to adopt some tendencies of those around you. I picked up plenty of vernacular along the way. I still say “y’all” a lot–a term I picked up during childhood years in Texas. The ways people phrase things vary by city, so when you move around, you acquire an assortment of slang. Don’t make fun of the person who calls soda “pop,” you don’t know their zip code history. 3. Schools most certainly aren’t on level playing field, even within the same city. I switched districts and it was schooling culture shock. I went from being an advanced prodigy student in a subpar district to struggling to earn C’s in a top notch one. Seriously, one school I went to was doing ‘color by numbers’ in 7th grade, and I was brilliant. Teachers were like, “This kid is going places–he colors inside the lines, he knows his multiplication tables, WOW.” Then, I went to a better school that was doing actual mathematics and my legacy crumpled the instant I attempted long division. 4. Lifelong friends are such a rare, special, undervalued thing. Since I moved a lot, I have no friends today that I met before middle school, which is still a long time ago, but not quite the same as knowing someone since diapers, or when classroom lesson plans included naptime. 5. The plus side is that, as a kid, making friends was a cakewalk. In elementary school, it was as simple as this: You like Power Rangers and juice? Me too, let’s hang. I made 90% of my friendships by blurting out Nickelodeon references until people responded to one of ‘em and we could bond. Even if you didn’t have a ton in common, all it took were some edible offerings to win somebody over. A Capri-Sun or the miniature candy bar in your Lunchables served as a sufficient one-time sacrifice capable of jolting life into the start of a wonderful friendship. 6. It’s easy to forget how many ridiculously great amenities we’re lucky to have every day. I know this because when you first move into a place, sometimes your bed isn’t fully constructed by the end of the night, and you realize how big of a diva you are when you’re upset about having to sleep on a mattress on the floor. Or there’s no cable and internet setup yet and you’re like, yeah I have a roof over my head but I can’t watch stuff or be online, so this is a stale bologna sandwich away from being prison. 7. JUST FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS, OR AT LEAST SKIM THROUGH ‘EM. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve ignored the instructions on, incorrectly assembled, disassembled, and, with the help of directions I should’ve looked at initially, reassembled correctly. 8. We’re all kind of hoarders; some just suffer from an extreme case of collecting garbage. It’s never more evident than when you’re trying to clear out a room just how much useless rubbish you’ve stashed. I’ve still got plenty of things in my possession that should’ve been thrown out in 1995. Not even sentimental stuff like report cards or school photos, but like, broken portable CD players and AOL free trial discs. 9. Oversized moving boxes make great toys…until they’re taken from you because they’ve got to be used for packing. Same goes for empty moving trucks, before being filled up. 10. All things come to an end…good and bad. The plus side of pesky bullies or teachers you weren’t fond of was the fact that their reign or terror would be short-lived, hooray! 11. Change can be nice, but it’s always comforting to have some things stay the same… What I’m saying is, it’s great that literally every Walgreens, Applebee’s and Target, no matter where you live, look exactly the same inside. Ah, familiarity, so soothing. For more nonsense & writing from this author, follow him on Facebook:
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10 Things Only People With Anxiety Understand

Flickr / Porsche Brosseau 1. Constantly feeling on the brink of death. The truth is that we are not literally on the brink of death; in reality, we are quite safe. Nonetheless, our minds believe with great certainty that each breath may be our last. When our brain believes, it becomes our reality. The feeling is real, and it’s something that no person should have to experience. 2. Feeling like a crazy person. Most commonly when people begin their journey with anxiety they feel like they’re one step away from a straitjacket. The reasonable side of them tells them that they are losing it, so they must be. Once they accept the anxiety and learn to manage it, they can accept that this is a real illness. Having anxiety does not mean you are crazy. 3. Having nobody else know how you feel. Because anxiety can manifest in so many different ways it’s easy to believe that nobody else can possibly be feeling this way. It’s an extremely isolating feeling. The good news is that you are not alone. Now more than ever people are opening up about their anxiety, and if you do the same I guarantee you will find someone who knows exactly how you are feeling. 4. Worrying that any mild physical symptom means you have a terminal illness. A headache means a brain tumor. Stomach ache? Cancer. Sore after the gym? Certainly a rare muscular deficiency that will leave you with only six months to live. Sounds a bit dramatic, but for those who suffer from health anxiety this is a daily grind consumed by a lot of worrying and a tremendous amount of Googling symptoms. Stay away from the search engines; if you have a real concern, go to a doctor. Self-diagnosis is never a good idea. 5. Only feeling safe at home. For some they simply cannot feel safe unless they are at home. Many have lost their jobs and relationships because they simply can’t leave the house. This can turn into debilitating agoraphobia and should be treated immediately. 6. Endless fear. Fear is a natural feeling that puts your body on alert when you are in danger. It’s also a terrible feeling, and people who suffer from chronic anxiety and panic know that this feeling can consume them day in and day out. Imagine a time in your life when you have been truly terrified. Now imagine feeling like that every day. Welcome to anxiety. 7. Becoming a regular at the emergency room. The nurses recognize you the moment you walk in and already know why you’re there. You know exactly what to expect, how long it will take, and what the prognosis will be. But yet we go back again and again. Something about a clean EKG settles the panicked mind. 8. Medication, lots of medication. We need it, and we hate that we need it. We long for the day when we won’t need to rely on these pills to get through life. We cart our drugs around as if we’ll die without them. If we forget them, all bets are off. Their absence alone will send us into panic mode. 9. Going to the doctor just to talk. You call the appointment line, they ask what you need to be seen for, and you say just to check up. The person sounds confused because it’s the fourth checkup you’ve had in the past three months. Really all you want to do is talk and be told that you’re OK. 10. People rolling their eyes when your anxiety prevents you from doing something. Nothing is worse than when you legitimately can’t go through with something because of your anxiety and some person who doesn’t understand and is completely devoid of empathy rolls their eyes at you and say’s something along the lines of, “Oh, whatever you’ll be fine.” These are not the kind of people a person with anxiety should surround themselves with. Begone, ye un-empathetic naysayers—we’re having anxiety here. Read this: 27 People Describe The Sexiest Thing They Ever Saw Accidentally (NSFW) Read this: 17 Poignant Quotes From Real-Life Suicide Notes Read this: Confessions Of A Yoga Bro Read this: 4 Famous People We Forgot Were Assholes Read this: 25 People Share Their Instant Turnoffs
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19 Problems Only People With Long Hair Will Understand

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Having long hair is both a gift and a curse. It can make you feel sexy and even act as an extra layer of warmth during the colder months of the year, but it can also be very annoying to maintain.

You play about with the idea of cutting all of your hair off but deep down you know that you would never do it, you’re too invested in the time that it’s taken to grow out that you just couldn’t do that to yourself – you even had a little tear in your eye when Rapunzel had her golden locks chopped off. What a waste…

As far as your love – hate relationship goes with your hair, you love it too much to let it go, no matter how ridiculous you look in the wind. Windswept and interesting is a look you’ve nailed, sometimes whatever the weather.

 

19. You Dread Having To Unblock The Plughole

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Every time you wash you hair it clings to the plughole like their long lost friends and getting rid of it is both daunting and just nasty.

You put it off so as long as possible but then the water doesn’t drain and everyone in the house is getting annoyed at the sheer amount of hair that now lives down there.

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14 Problems Only People From Middlesbrough Will Understand

Flickr
Flickr

Now then, marra! Ow do?

Middlesbrough gets a lot of stick. It’s been called just about every name under the sun, and was even voted the worst place to live in the UK back in 2009. Sounds pretty harsh doesn’t it?

You see, the people who throw these terms around simply don’t appreciate the Boro for what it is. In short, they ‘aven gorra clue, like. It’s a place of rich cultural heritage, and a hotbed of industrial tradition. It’s got the finest, bluest transporter bridge in the world, and more fast food establishments than you have time to visit. Besides, not only did Middlesbrough give the world the most intrepid of explorers, Captain Cook, but it also gave the world the mighty Parmo.

But like any other place on Earth, locals have their fair share of problems. Read on to find out what “gets right on arr wick, like” and is deemed “proper shan as, like”.

Atell ya woritis, right…

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22 Things Only People Who Love Canceled Plans Will Understand

On the outside: “Oh, you can’t make it? Bummer.” On the inside: HOORAY!

So, you have plans tonight?

So, you have plans tonight?

Via giphy.com

But, maybe...you're not that excited about them?

But, maybe...you're not that excited about them?

Via giphy.com

It's not the person you have plans with, you LOVE them!

It's not the person you have plans with, you LOVE them!

Via giphy.com

It's just that work has been...a little much, lately.

It's just that work has been...a little much, lately.

Via giphy.com


View Entire List ›

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20 Things Only People From Dumfries Will Understand

wiki
wiki

Dumfries And Galloway: home of the Doonhamers.

Whether you’re a student at the town’s University campus or a born and bred local, there are a number of things that make Dumfries a completely unique place to live.

The town isn’t big on change and neither are the surrounding areas making this Scottish Borders town fiercely hold on to its historical past. The town is soaked in history and did you happen to know that Robert Burns spent some time here? You didn’t? Well let me show you to his house!

Regardless if you’re from Moffat or Castle Douglas you’ll be able to appreciate the sheer number of characters that Dumfries has to offer, especially down by the Vennel and on the WhiteSands during an evening or weekend.

 

20. Rico’s Are The Cure For A Sunday Morning Hangover

Ricos Dumfries

Everyone who is anyone knows that Rico’s is the go-to place when you’re a hungover, ‘regretting the night before’ mess. Even if you go dressed in your cosiest onesie, the staff do not judge and provide you with the food that is worth getting out of bed for.

Or not… they deliver too.

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Scientists Have Discovered What Makes Indian Food So Goddamn Good

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Shutterstock


Whenever someone who’s obviously never had Indian food before asks me what makes it so good, I ignore the question and take another bite — the MacGyver-ed naan wrap on my plate isn’t going to eat itself. Like most fans of cury and cayenne, I eat everything first and ask questions later. However, according to The Washington Post, data researchers at the Indian Institute for Technology crunched the numbers and figured out what makes traditional recipes tick:

It does something radical with flavors, something very different from what we tend to do in the United States and the rest of Western culture. And it does it at the molecular level.

European and American dishes tend to utilize components with flavors that sometimes overlap one another, often in complimentary ways. Indian cuisine? Not so much:

They examined how much the underlying flavor compounds overlapped in single dishes and discovered something very different from Western cuisines. Indian cuisine tended to mix ingredients whose flavors don’t overlap at all.

“We found that average flavor sharing in Indian cuisine was significantly lesser than expected,” the researchers wrote.

In other words, the more overlap two ingredients have in flavor, the less likely they are to appear in the same Indian dish.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that cayenne, cardamom, and the other spices that make Indian food taste like heaven clash with one another. Rather, each serves a unique purpose in each dish they’re used in — even when combined with five or more additional ingredients.

Great, now I’m having a Pavlovian reaction to writing and reading about Indian food. Looks like takeout tonight and bathroom cleaning tomorrow.

indian food meme

Quick Meme


(Via The Washington Post)

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Behind The Scenes Of Nike Basketball’s Astounding ‘Zoom City’ Training Month

#ZoomCity

Nike


We’re not a professional basketball player, but throughout the month of February we pretended to train like one. Once a week, except for a respite in the days before All-Star, we dragged our beaten body out of bed at an ungodly hour to take part in Nike’s Zoom City training.

Nike really outdid themselves with this opportunity for media to briefly experience getting trained like a pro. Dime and an assorted group of media members were invited to 8 a.m. training sessions each week, and they pulled out all the stops for the honor. They provided us car service to and from the sessions, and after training we got to eat incredible meals cooked up by Chef Max. It’s the best food we’ve consumed before noon. It became a real treat after such exhaustive sessions, so we want to thank Chef Max for his weekly offerings.

#ZoomCity

Nike


The sessions themselves gave media members a chance to train like NBA stars do, while also trying out the latest in their performance footwear offerings, specifically the Zoom City variety.

WEEK 1

The opening week coincided with the Nike Kobe X unveiling. So they provided us with his powder blue “5 AM”  bad a** colorway.

#ZoomCity

Nike


In conjunction with the sneakers, we had to undergo a training session with Tim Grover — the mastermind behind Chicago’s late 80’s iteration of “The Breakfast Club” (MJ, Scottie, and Horace Grant), Kobe’s insane 5 AM workouts, and Dwyane Wade’s perpetual drive to stay on the court.

#ZoomCity

Nike


We’ve trained with Grover before, for the Kobe 9 Elite unveiling, so we were familiar with his somewhat-stunted gait after so many surgeries (seriously, Tim’s gone under the knife more than Brandon Roy, and it’s a testament to his physical fitness he can even get up and down a court). In fact, at the end of  our training session, right before we were about to play in the actual games, we rolled our ankle.

Thankfully, we asked Grover if we could Mamba the injury and keep playing. He jolted our foot 360 degrees, and — while wincing — we said we could go (this injury nagged us throughout the whole month, but we weren’t gonna wuss-out in front of our peers). We’re a fan of the Kobe X, and we’re not sure if we had been were wearing the super high silhouette of his ninth signature we could have bounced back so well.

#ZoomCity

Nike


Thanks to getting teamed up with a cast of superior players, we left the opening week 2-0, despite an ankle that looked like it had a golf ball had been logged under the skin.

WEEK 2

We couldn’t make this session, which is a shame because we missed Nike’s LED court at the Zoom City Arena. The court was put together specifically to house All-Star festivities, and they pulled out all the stops. Players —media members, entertainers, and more than few semi-professional wringers — underwent BAM-testing to create six even squads for the next day’s tournament.

#ZoomCity,8X-NU2osL8l4aZp-W6S6RV6H0ynB3iOlosQFer5sy8o

Nike


Common was in the house, which pisses us off because “I Used To Love H.E.R.” is perhaps the greatest hip hop song ever done (it would have been nice to chat with him). Other celebs in attendance for this special week of training: Stalley, Eddie Huang, Ansel Elgort and more.

#ZoomCity

Nike


Teams were ascribed certain players, whose footwear they wore. So there was a James Harden team, a Kevin Durant team, an Anthony Davis team et al. (Frankly, we’re glossing over how awesome this was because we couldn’t make it).

#ZoomCity-GzPfJk,NY4y1wS1X_UCmcyHoJUbDaHu19ecgfvj14Qpsll8Y6s

#ZoomCity

Nike


Some of the kicks the lucky media members got to rock, included the Nike Zoom Hypercross Trainer, the Nike Hyperchase and more.

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Listen To Meek Mill And The Game’s ‘The Soundtrack’

the game

Getty Image


From Philly to Compton, Game and Meek join forces for “The Soundtrack” where they engage in a little back and forth, trading war stories along the way.

“Ha, cause you will ride for your n***, right?
Now with hearses side by side, with your n**** right
Cause it been plenty nights I barely made it through this life
N****s want to snatch my soul from me like I’m Jesus Christ”

No final word on where the track will end up, but AHH says maybe Documentary 2.

(via AHH)

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Open Source: In a Dance Remix of Netanyahu’s Speech, Two Words Echo: ‘Iran — Haman’

Open Source: In a Dance Remix of Netanyahu’s Speech, Two Words Echo: ‘Iran — Haman’

As the debate continues over this week’s address to Congress by Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel, an Israeli video blogger’s dance remix of the speech seems to suggest that it can be boiled down to two words: “Iran — Haman.”

Those words, clipped together and set to a techno beat by the video producer Noy Alooshe, are drawn from a passage of Mr. Netanyahu’s speech on Tuesday in which he said the current aims of Iran’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, echoed those of “a powerful Persian viceroy named Haman, who plotted to destroy the Jewish people some 2,500 years ago,” at least according to a legend from Hebrew scripture passed down in the Book of Esther.

In Mr. Netanyahu’s condensed version of the tale recounted every year on the Jewish holiday of Purim, he told Congress that the plot was foiled when “a courageous Jewish woman, Queen Esther, exposed the plot and gained for the Jewish people the right to defend themselves against their enemies.”

This is not the first time Mr. Netanyahu has tried to persuade officials in Washington to take that same scripture into account when formulating policy. During a visit to the White House in 2012, the prime minister handed a copy of the Book of Esther to President Obama as “background reading” on Iran. “Then too, they wanted to wipe us out,” Mr. Netanyahu explained.

Continue reading...

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Duncan Keith Made A Wish Come True For A Young Blackhawks Fan Who Is Unable To Walk Or Talk

The Chicago Blackhawks’ “#WhatsYourGoal” promotion is all about making a wish come true for a young Hawks fan. In January, forward Patrick Sharp brought precious, young diehard Christina to the United Center to attend her first Hawks game and the results were pretty awesome. On Thursday, it was defenseman Duncan Keith’s turn to make a young fan’s wish come true.

Meet Cammy. She was born unable to walk or talk, but that would not stop her from skating on the ice and scoring a goal with an assist from her favorite Hawks player, Duncan Keith. Notice she even went five-hole. She probably learned that from Keith’s teammate Jonathan Toews.

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Anti-Muslim hate letters trigger police probe

Fears grow electoral database misused as police probe anti-Muslim letter campaign

Police in Queensland have launched an investigation into an anonymous letter writer who sends racist, anti-Muslim propaganda to private, unlisted addresses across the country as fears grow the addresses were pulled from the electoral commission database.
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